Ojos Del Sol

 



I woke up at 3:17 am today ready to go. I haven’t been sleeping well this week. I remember reading once that for folks who are bipolar and on their period, it could throw you into a little hypomanic state. I’m not sure if that’s what’s happening, but if so it would make sense. 


The other thing that could be keeping me awake is all of these ideas floating inside my head. I feel like I’ve finally made a breakthrough in my years-long struggle with creativity. It all started when I began taking meds for my bipolar diagnosis in 2019. I felt that I lost touch with the very creative hypomanic Meg, and I missed her so much. But that’s a story for another day.


Suddenly I feel that creative spark inside of myself again. It wakes me up with the urge to write, like today, and that’s such a wonderful and welcomed feeling.


I’m tired of standing in my own way with this damn blog.


I am such a perfectionist and fixate on things way too much. I look at my so-called “branding” I’ve made for my blog and I’m like “ew! Why did I choose all of these browns?” I will let that stop me from writing all together, I will tell myself until I fix it, what’s the point? But I’m not great with branding. I need to hire someone and I can’t afford it, so I just have to keep going and do my best. I can’t let that stand in my way. I will literally spend hours working on something that doesn’t help me get to my end goal of writing. Anything to stop myself, WHY!?


I will tell myself that I need to take writing courses before I can really get started, but the truth is, I don’t have the money or the time. So writing daily will be the best thing to help me. Even if it sucks. I have to take this seriously and practice my craft every day if I ever want to finish this damn memoir. 


Well, I’m done with it all- standing in my own way, doubting myself, playing small…  


This year has been a year of letting go of things that aren’t working for me, going after my happiness, listening to my intuition, and gaining some confidence back. As we end this year I am so fucking excited for a fresh start in 2023. 


Every year I get the feeling that “this is going to be MY YEAR!” but what if this is truly it? What if 2023 is the start of something great? Some big shifts. Maybe I will finally get my shit together. I feel like this could be it :) Why not? Join me, won’t you?


My goal is to create a routine where writing brings me joy, writing as self-care, writing for fun and happiness. Writing daily. Yes, I will still be writing about such sad things like my mental health struggles, my mother’s murder, my attempted murder, the grief chronicles… but I will also make it a fulfilling ritual. Candles, music (You know I always share the song I listen to on repeat as I write!), encouraging myself instead of beating myself up for how much I suck. I will also write about the positives- the never ending healing journey, queer joy, relationships, self-love and self-care, and my favorite: witchy diaries. 


I’ve been playing with Pinterest and vision boards every night and hyping myself up on how excited I am for the future. There is enough room for me here. I can have what I want, I work so hard, why not? I’m ready to let go of my limiting beliefs about myself and my abilities. 



I haven’t decided my word of the year for 2023 but I’m kicking around some ideas like: 

☀️Abundance

☀️Possibility

☀️Bloom


I’m not sure which one resonates with me most just yet. I’d love to hear what words you're thinking of for yourself for 2023? 


I am in this little planning cocoon where I’m journaling my dreams and goals, setting up what planner system will work for me in 2023, and creating a plan to make it my best year yet. I am going to be doing a lot more blogging, both free and more exclusive, personal posts on my ko-fi. 


I’ve decided to use my Ko‑fi money to replace my broken mic so I can guest on podcasts or start up podcasting again. So many exciting things to look forward to! 


Are you like me, full of enthusiasm for the beginning of another year? Or is it just like any other time for you? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you.


Song on repeat as I write this: Ojos Del Sol by Y La Bamba  



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