Merry & Bright

 

My girlfriend and I got a very small Christmas tree and displayed a picture of me and my mom right next to it. Christmas 1989, I think. Yes, I've talked a lot about my fancy holiday grief lately. It started pretty early this year. I did my best to sit with my grief and let it flow through me, not taking up more space than it needed to, but realizing it's importance in my life. Grief is my friend. It is welcome here. Sure, it comes by unannounced but that's okay. ♥️🎄 This has been a really great year for me. I found my love, I found my voice and happiness. I made big changes and even managed to get through some of my bigger goals this year. I worked a lot on my mindset (still more work to go!) And thinking abundantly instead of the scarcity mentality I'm used to. Over the last few days I've been posting pictures of my mom when she was a baby and saying how I realize what I'm missing so much this time of year. I immediately feel guilty after posting those and saying that because I feel like I should always be thankful for what I do have, that looming fear dangling over my head that everything can be taken away from me again. But I try not to feel guilty because I can hold space for both... This was a fucking awesome year, and I still miss my mom terribly. I love my life but I know I'm missing out by not having her here. Both can be true. So today I hold her in my heart as we go to my girlfriends brothers house and celebrate and have fun. ♥️🎄♥️🎄 I carry her with me. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate ♥️

My cutie pie mama when she was a baby.

Xoxo,

M

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